Nine Years

Nine years. Nine years since I first got ill. Nine, long, hard years and I’m still not better. I’m better, but not better. Not healthy. I am doing so much better than I have been. But it’s not enough. I want to be fine, healthy, ok, … normal.

This time last year though I found a doctor who listened. A doctor who accepted that maybe it was worth giving me treatment for hypothyroidism. A doctor, who despite all my thyroid related blood tests, was the first to think about testing for the antibodies. They all accepted that my health issues started off with a viral infection in my thyroid. But this was the first one who decided to see if my body was stuck in ‘fight the infection’ mode. It was. It is.

I was relieved when he said that, mainly because that made him more willing to test the treatment. But I also felt robbed. Instead of just checking my TSH, T3 and T4 levels any one of them could have tested for the antibodies. They should have done. Those three tests alone are not enough. I could have started treatment so much sooner if one of them had listened and was willing to accept, as this doctor put it, that they are ‘not the experts’ in this situation. That because I’ve lived like this for so long and probably ‘read more about everything that can cause these symptoms’ I probably know better what to test for.

That doctor has now left the practice though.

The meds aren’t working as well as they should be, as well as they were. Despite a lot of evidence that I have seen by reading reports and studies that suggests if you have symptoms of hypothyroidism the ideal TSH level is between 0.2 and 1, the GPs are not willing to increase my medication as my TSH is now 2.4.

The bright side to that though is that I’ve got a referral to an endocrinologist … at some point when they have space for me. It’ll be good to actually see a specialist, even if I am anxious they will tell me there’s nothing wrong with my thyroid.

I’m really hoping but also trying not to hope too much that next year I will be normal again. No. Normal is such a subjective word, and I guess how I’ve been feeling for the last nine years is actually normal. I want to be better. I want my health back.